you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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