he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
