So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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