5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
