apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
