I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
