lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
