pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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