I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
