I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
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Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.