I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Found the puke drawer
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?