So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving