No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
