"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.