smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him