Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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