so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
