This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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