I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
