Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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