Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize