Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
