Jerry, you need to find god
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
