Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
