Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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