This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
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The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
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I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize