im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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