im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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