it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
