There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
