That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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