So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
