Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
