i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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