She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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