but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
