Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
