Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
