My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
