Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
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Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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