he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
