i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
