Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
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I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
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Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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