So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
