sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
