i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Two words: blizzard sex
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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