Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
