at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
