I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
