singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
