I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
