I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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