Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
