Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
