i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
