I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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