I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
