I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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