dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
