i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
