I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
