As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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