I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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