i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
