I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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