you guys were way drunker than both of me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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