Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
