I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize