I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
