my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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