i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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