My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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