I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
